Living unconditionally
26 September 2004

Once we know that the only limits we have are the ones we impose on ourselves, then we will only want to act in an unconditional way. If we are giving to others conditionally, then we will feel uncomfortable as we know that this is not our true nature. However, if we are still imposing limits on ourselves, we may also be uncomfortable giving unconditionally, even though we are aware this is not necessary!

What to do?

If we can be aware of our limits, then we will be able to pick up what situations make us feel uncomfortable and allow ourselves to tread carefully and try to be honest with ourselves as to what it is that we are imposing upon ourselves.

For example, I may lend my mower to my next door neighbour, and because I am aware that I want to live giving unconditionally, when it has still not been returned 4 weeks later, I may think "Well, I can't ask for it back because in lending my mower, it was an unconditional act, ie - it would be conditional to say 'you can borrow it if you give it back to me in 2 weeks time'". However, clearly I'm now feeling uncomfortable about lending out my strimmer to my friend without saying "You can borrow it if you bring it back next week". What may be going on for me here is that I am reluctant to make my needs known to others as I might feel I would be imposing on their rights to make up their own minds. But in avoiding stating my needs to others, I am taking away their ability to give to me, to help me live in the way in which I choose. If I could accept that my needs are equally as important as others' needs, I would be happy to say "You may borrow my strimmer. I would appreciate it back on Saturday as I would like to use it then." This then empowers both myself and the person to whom I am lending the strimmer as they can take responsibility for returning it which will be an unconditional act, as they are giving it back because I would appreciate it, not because I've told them they can only borrow it on the condition that they give it back.

In this example, I originally put myself in an uncomfortable position lending out my mower. In recognising that this was because I had a belief that my needs were not as important as others' needs, I could modify my behaviour for the next time a similar situation arose, thus giving me the power to still act unconditionally and feel more comfortable.

Clearly, there may be many reasons for my feeling of uncomfortableness other than the reason given above, and there may well be more than one reason, but in recognising even a tiny part as to the reason why, I allow myself to learn from it, modify my behaviour, and act in a different manner. If there are further reasons for my uncomfortableness, I can discover this in a later situation and again, recognise it, and modify my behaviour.

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